Monday, March 22, 2010

Walk Through This World With Me...


Have you guessed it? Yep that's right!!! Kolty is a walker:) He just let go one day and walked all on his own! Super proud of the little stinker. He has done amazing, and I have to blame it on his Zoloft. I mean this a miracle drug- I have also been taking it and wow. I feel so much better, so I can imagine how he feels! Lots of new things going on around here. Kolton has learned to use a straw, shake his booty, walk, crawl thru a tunnel (on his 1st attempt:) and babble nonstop. I swear, every now and then he actually says a word that is filed away in his little library brain and at any given moment it just pops out! You have to really be listening to him, cause if you turn away you may miss it. The other day, I know he said bath, what, baby, and ball. And no I am not the only one that hears these words, Kaylee does too:) Kolton is so proud of himself that he can walk- last night I went to a friend's house for dinner and left Kolton at home with Dada. Of course he missed me, (as I missed him too) so when I came home he had to show me how excited he was by walking as fast as he could from couch to couch. Oh I love that little monkey! He still crawls about 70% of the time, but hey, I will take what I can get:)

I am currently struggling with the idea of sending him to a daycare center part time for some kid/social interaction. I am having a hard time letting go, so as of right now I still have not filled out the enrollment form. Lol. It is sitting on the kitchen counter as a reminder that he needs/should go, but when I am ready I will do it. Shannon and I scoped the place out, and I do really like the place just not the idea of Kolty not being with me. I feel a panic attack coming on just thinking about him going. We did schedule his OT session there 2 weeks ago and he LOVED it. Didn't even know that I had left the room:( Trader!!! While he was there he crawled through (on his 1st attempt) a tunnel. I was so proud, but of course Mama was on the other end. He probably would crawl through fire to get to me:) As I would also for him:) He really enjoyed the change of scenery and liked all the new toys. He suckered Shannon into reading him a book over and over, with his unforgettable dimple smile and giggle!! But she LOVED it!!! I was jealous! Lol. So in the near future, expect a 1st day of school entry from me. It may be a little on the wacky side cause I may have to double my Zoloft dosage that day (or have a tequila shot).

Shannon also bought Kolton some really cool (disposable) cups with a straw and on his 2nd attempt was successful at using them!! Woo hoo Kolty- another OT thing we have been working on. Using a straw will help build his oral muscle tone, while giving his some oral feedback. It's like a 2 for 1 deal. I have been making him smoothies and milkshakes so he can really get a mouth workout trying to suck them through his straw. He loves it, almost prefers them now to his sippy cup. We went out to eat the other day and he thought he was real cool because he could drink his sweet tea like a big boy:) Yep, sweet tea, his new favorite! Thanks Shannon, for the cool cups. Geeze, Shannon is getting a lot of recognition on this post!!! Lol, she deserves it:)

Over spring break, Kolty learned how to shake his booty. Hilarious!! I sing this really cheesy line- Shake your Booty, Shake your Booty, and he goes nuts!!! Shakin' his little money maker!! I swear this boy has the cutest tush ever!!! Since he was a baby I have said he will grow up to be an underwear model. So to see him shake it, oh so so so cute!!! It really looks a little more like dirty dancing, somewhat inappropriate behavior, but hey- boys will be boys, right?!

We were also in a minor accident over spring break. Kolton and I fell off our John Deere Gator, while Dada was driving. He had to get 3 staples in his head. But he was such a trooper, and every nurse working that night had to come see Kolton. He was the talk of the ER that night. What a flirt- giggling, batting those baby blues at every nurse that came in. So at any given time, he had about 5 nurses coming in and talking away to him, all the while he was just eating it up. Geeze, I felt like I needed to beat these ladies off with a stick!!! Haha, but what do I expect, he is the cutest baby boy ever!!!

The same day, March 18th, that we were recovering from the accident, was also our one year Diagnosis Anniversary. Wow, one year already. All I can say is, I made it. I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. I can remember what I was wearing, what Kolton was wearing, what the Doctor was wearing- get the idea!!! We went to Kolton's pediatrician because Kolton had been sick. I knew the test results were probably back since we had gone on February 27th for blood work. Our pediatrician at the time, wanted to call and get the results. I didn't want too- I already knew in my heart. I had to sit, what seemed like forever, for about 30 minutes while the doctor called for the results. He came back into the room and said the results were back and Kolton did have Fragile X. I can't even explain what I felt. Numbness, I wanted to scream, cry, die- I wanted to hug my doctor and sob like a baby, scream why us, pull my hair out, anything I could think of. But I didn't. Kaylee was also with us and I had to be strong for her. I let a single tear run down my cheek, my doctor said, this is what we had expected anyway, we must now move forward and get him the services he needs. I hated him for saying that. I wanted him to hold me like a father would and say everything would be ok, it was ok to cry. But I understand, he was just a doctor- I still struggle with the fact that doctors can seem so cold, what if it was them in that situation? That's why I LOVE our new pediatrician!!! Yep I changed, cause I just didn't feel like our old doc was personal enough.

So in honor of our anniversary, I have decided to get a tattoo. A tattoo that brings awareness to fragile X, one that reminds me of how far I have come on a personal level. I am a changed person, good, bad, and all that's in between. Everything has a whole new meaning for me, including the song that Robert and I danced too at our wedding- I can't help but sing the verse over and over with each step Kolton takes-

Walk Through This World With Me, Go Where I Go
Share All My Dreams With Me
I Need You So
In Life We Search
And Some Of Us Find
I've Looked For You, A Long Long Time




Kolton,
I will always & forever walk with you, a million times over through this world.
I've looked for you, a long, long time:)
Xo,
Mama